New Beginnings

Here we are, just far enough into January for resolutions to be losing their grip, and I find myself filled with energy and ready to launch - or perhaps I should say re-launch!

I used have a blog at http://sekhmet-rising.blogspot.com/ that malfunctioned. I can no longer access it and after several frustrating trips through blogger support tickets, I have simply given up and begun to ponder the message I repeatedly received that denied my blogger identity. Hmmm....perhaps there is a larger message in it all- "am I really who I said I was or was I masquerading?" is what I've been asking myself.

I am certainly very different today than when I began my last blog. Back then, I felt unsure of how it all worked. I wasn't certain that I was ready to reveal my identity in it and then quickly discovered that for me, all writing is personal. Writing and blogging was the ultimate reflection of me, my life, my inner conversations - warts and all. And then I underwent some very rapid changes that include a much hoped for pregnancy and a whole new perspective on writing.

Beginning again with a new blog and a new look feels both fresh and compelling. On a recent writer's retreat, I discovered that in many ways, writing was becoming stale for me. This was in large part because I was questioning whether what I had to say really mattered when there are more pressing issues such as war and global warming that really needed attention.

I wondered if anyone cared about how I delighted in simple pleasures, struggled with the challenges of parenting a spirited child or what I was discovering about my own humanity. In truth, I was reluctant to allow myself to care deeply and to see fully while I was in a public forum. I was holding back somehow. I was resisting exposing my joy, my wonderment at simply living my life. The staleness was really a reflection of how I was stunting my own growth as a writer.

What emerged in the wake of the past few months has been an acceptance of my desire to be not just an active participant in life, but also to record my observations, discoveries, delights and disappointments as I go along. I have decided that writing for the joy of it is as good a reason as any to indulge it.

In fact, indulgence was how I categorized my writing. After all, "I wasn't necessarily changing the world," was how I dismissed my passion for writing what was close to me. My attitude about writing was slowly killing the part of me that thrives on it. I was strangling my inner artist by not allowing myself to take it seriously. In a bid to insulate myself from total exposure and the possible rejection of readers of the dream that I have held for many years, I was suffocating it instead of giving it free reign. Thankfully, somewhere along the line, I choose to let my artist-self live. In doing so, I have boldly taken a place at the table called "artistry" rather than hanging around the fringes waiting for an embossed invitation. It is my life after all. Its time to begin living it for me.

I am looking forward to beginning again having chosen to simply honor the impulse that moves in me to observe and record. I suspect that the biggest impact I can have on the world is by beginning to make sense of it for myself on the page in all my vulnerable delight or confusion. Perhaps what I have to say is similar to what you have to say, and when its not, then it opens new doors for both of us. "writing my world" is where I will be coming to make sense of my life, my discoveries, my questions because it has been my experience that when I write, my inner world becomes right as well.

If you have chosen to read along, then please feel free to simply let me know that you were here by posting a comment. Pull up a chair and join in - its your life after all, and today I can share that it feels good to be visible when living it :)