Phfttttttt.......

Phfttttttt.......The exhalation begins. And with it, much of the tension in my body begins to dissolve. I've been holding this breath for so long that it is only as I begin to let it go that I can notice how stretched and strained I have been. Try it - puff out your cheeks and notice the prickly burn that sneaks in within seconds. No wonder I have felt like there are ants under my skin!

While I have been merrily spinning around in my life, something else has been stirring. An urge to express what I can't seem to find words for. It is as though all my creative bursts over the past month have just been the tremors for what is yet to come. My growing inner agitation is more like excitement when I stop and notice how it dances through my body.

I've been holding my breath in a vain attempt to manage something that I have never experienced before. I'm trying to squeeze this urge to express into a nice, orderly structure. Something manageable and tidy. Something that doesn't disrupt any one's schedule - including mine - and that doesn't rock the boat. You know the old drill - don't step on any one's toes. This feels like trying to wedge a Hippo into a broom closet all the while pretending not to notice that its bulging out all over the place!!

The conversation that dances between the parts of myself sounds something like this:

"Hippo? What Hippo? Oh - you mean that little thing. Well, I was going to tell you about it when there was a good time."

"Yes, I know its a bit large and unwieldy and it will cause a bit of disruption in our routine."

"Oh and I know what it costs to feed Hippos these days - never mind the vet bills! But you see, it followed me home one day and I can't seem to shake it. It was pretty little at the time but since I started to feed it - well, as you can see, it has really grown. And, I must confess, I've gotten pretty attached to it."

" No I don't have a name for it yet. I'm starting to learn how to speak 'Hippo' and I'm sure it will tell me its name in the near future."

"Yes, I've been getting a bit nervous around it too. Its awfully big - but I've seen those cartoons of Hippos in tutus and it gives me comfort to know that such a large beast has a sense of humor and some grace. I think it will be alright if I let it out of the closet."

"Yes - I will take responsibility for care and feeding - and, yes, for cleaning up Hippo crap too!"

And thus, with exhalation (and not one of exasperation, I might add!) project Hippo is revealed. Its up to me to continue care and feeding - and now that I'm not trying to compress this poor beast any longer, I wonder what fun and havoc it will wreak in my tidy, orderly little world.

By the way, does anyone know how long it takes to learn to speak Hippo?