Mother Lode Metaphors

I took Baby S for his first haircut today - an adventure for both of us! While getting his signature "Trump-style" hairdo tamed I was musing at how quickly he is growing. At 6 months he is wearing clothing sizes in the 18 month range. He has his two bottom teeth and the top ones are beginning to peek through.

He is a hurry to get around in his environment and has no qualms about expressing his frustrations loudly when his desire outpaces his capability. Like most mothers before me, I'm simply amused by his desire to get moving - all because I can see his potential. I know that it is only a matter of time before he is in full command of his body and can explore every nook and cranny of his world.

My wisdom and ability to see where all his yet unfilled potential will take him does little to diffuse his frustration. And here I sit, at age 39 and see that the game , in some ways, is really not much different today for me than it likely was when I was 6 months old. There are so many times when know exactly what I want but haven't completely mastered how to tap into that latent potential.

Flipping Baby S over onto his back for the umpteenth time after he has gotten stuck on his tummy, I realize that it is those repeated attempts that open the door to discovering more. While he may not (who knows? ) have a sense of his potential to one day not only master rolling from his tummy to his back, but to swim, run, play football, dance and so much more, he doggedly keeps trying because he know there is more - if he can just get there.

How many of us can claim to have maintained that same level of persistence about our own growth and evolution? Scarred by life's hard knocks and challenges, we start to resist the urge to grow and evolve, choosing the relative safety of what we know. We deaden our urge to explore our potential in order to remain safe, avoiding pain, loss and other repercussions. But what are we giving up in the process? Who would we become if we were to choose to keep pushing the envelope?

Perhaps the biggest question of all, is to wonder how aware we are of the choices that we are making to either step into our potential, pressing its invisible boundary and claiming that new territory - or not? I don't believe that it is a switch that we flip and suddenly, that is how we live. I suspect, based on my own journey thus far, I need to continually check in with myself. Otherwise, rather than drive the bus that is my life, I'm a sleepy passenger, along for the ride without any participation - and we all know the hell of public transportation!

Time to flip Baby S again. Since I've been writing, he has rolled completely 2 or 3 times in both directions but he appears to have already forgotten that he did it. He is fully capable and doesn't seem to have noticed yet. Isn't that another mother lode metaphor worth exploring?!

This is LIVING!

This has been a month of great awakening for me. Since early December I've been gaining clarity daily about what comes next in my life as I move along creating new business opportunities, reconnecting with old friends and colleagues as well as making new connections. Once again, I am reminded of how easily and naturally it happens when I am clear about my need to move ahead.

Its not that I have a complete plan for the future, its simply that I have a clear sense of the direction that I am heading in. I keep taking one step at a time, trusting the instinct that guides me forward. The abundance of choice and support is nothing short of amazing! I bump into old clients in waiting rooms or at the mall. Old friends look me up after months and in some cases, years have gone by. Folks that I have worked with long ago, make introductions to just the people I need to see and I've been invited to several events lately where I never would have imagined I'd be on the guest list!

I believe it is all possible because I have finally emerged from a fallow period in my life with clarity regarding who I am capable of becoming as I get out of my own way. I've made (and continue to make) my peace with a bunch of old beliefs that simply weren't working for me. Foremost among them was the realization that I have always done things on my own. Another major discovery is that I have defined my roles in ways that are just too small and I've grown bored, and at times, resentful as my restlessness increased. Once again, I've seen the double bind of all or nothing thinking when it comes to how I live and I've decided that it is not a useful strategy for getting what I want out of my life. My awareness of my persistent vulnerability to other people's opinions has been an invitation to become much more comfortable with myself and deepened my connection and confidence in myself.

How I wish I could say I have it all conquered, mastered and figured out! I wish I could sit here and tell you that my life was total perfection!! Its not - but man, is it rife with lessons! The more I pay attention to how closely my inner conversations and impulses match my destination, the more I discover about those "old voices" that have habitually driven my choices. In fact, writing has been a terrific tool for allowing those old voices expression. Each time I see the pattern of thought show up on the page, I find myself taking a deep breath and letting it complete its journey as it rumbles through my body. I know that limiting thought or belief is not true any more and yet it is like a persistent weed whose roots are buried right into the fabric of my being, twining its way through my cells. Breathing, paying attention to how I feel on the inside rather that battle the thought in my brain or on the page, I'm discarding many old, habituated ways of thinking.

I'm not new to this way of thinking as I've been reaping the benefits of my discoveries through WEL-Systems for quite a few years. The perspective I discovered there made perfect sense to me. I immediately experienced the results in my life - it was NOT an abstract concept. I suppose the point of my entry today is simply that I am continually astonished that in spite of how effortless it can be to live this way, I find myself drifting aimlessly at times if I don't pay attention. And this is the lynch pin to so many of my beliefs, that I have to do everything ALONE.

I have been reluctant to ask for help or to seek it out. I have been ignoring the fact that even super heroes have at least one side-kick! Moving ahead toward my goals this year, I have discovered the joy that comes from not doing it alone. I've created partnerships with other dynamic women to support each other in furthering our goals and in the process I am inviting other women out there to discover that they don't have to do "it" alone either.

I'm thrilled to be partnering with Gwen McCauley as a BizSavvy Woman(TM) Facilitator. I'm creating a special interest group of women entrepreneurs in the field of Health Care as my starting point. This is very exciting for me as I know what a lifeline an group like this would have been when I ran my own business. Leadership in those circumstances can often be lonely and isolating. Many of us are experts in our field of practice but we are learning on the fly about the skills we need to run and grow a business. From my experience, I know that it is easy to lose your sense of personal identity in this type of profession. I am intimately familiar with the incredible external demands on women in these roles to be a "nurturer" to her clients in addition to her employees and quite likely her family as well. As a result, many struggle under the weight of expectations rather than living their lives and running their businesses in way that fully reflect who they are. I'm really excited about offering this opportunity to grow personally and professionally to other entrepreneurial women in health care!

I've also planted the seed for Soul Food Events beginning with a party hosted by my friend, Darlene. Women gather for food, drink, and conversations that feed their souls. At this inaugural event, the participating women will be guided in creating a holographic future and then creating a vision board. I can't wait to hang out with a bunch of women who are eagerly focused on creating their future!

After attending a number of women's networking groups and "inspirational events" and feeling dissatisfied with what was on offer, another friend and I have decided to create our own serial women' s event. Her background as a stylist and my passion as a coach collided when we shared our absolute love of the moment when a woman awakens to her potential and sees herself for who she really is. Both of us are veterans of "doing it alone" and have come to the conclusion that its much more fun to create with someone else! Our first formal brain storming session is on Friday but we are like kids in a candy store, emailing back and forth and bursting with ideas and enthusiasm!

Wandering through this entry, I suppose, in my rambling way, I am celebrating with you the power of waking up to those pervasive and limiting beliefs we hold about ourselves. In particular, the potential that opens up when we move past a belief about going it alone. Women are masters at talking and connecting with each other, and as Louise has so succinctly pointed out in Women Gathering, perhaps its time we recognized the powerful impact that women can have when we do what comes naturally to us and have an intention to shape our worlds to reflect what matters to us.

Where it will all lead - I'm not entirely sure but I can tell you that I'm vibrantly alive at the moment. I'm willing to investigate new ideas, try out new ventures and enjoy the companionship of partnering with fabulous women.

Best of all, I still have lots of flexible time to spend with my children while I allow this aspect of myself to grow and expand! I can express myself, create and be stimulated by other women who share the same interests. Now THIS is living!!

Resentment: A Cinderella Story

Resentment - not a pretty word and certainly not one that women like to utter very often. And yet, I wonder how many of us live in a state of resentment and fail to notice. And believe me, dear readers, I've spent my fair share in this territory so I'm not here to preach but to share!

I toyed with calling this entry Cinderella-Syndrome as that is perhaps one of the best metaphors for the way many of us live. Socialized as the "nurturer", the "Keeper of Relationships", women seem to gravitate habitually into situations that require that they give more and more of themselves. There are plenty of studies and articles written that speak to the fact that working women have the equivalent of two full-time jobs. For women who stay at home, they have one long job that never seems to have a clear start/stop point. Add to that the burden of guilt about how little time women have with their children if they work outside of the home or, the sense of inferiority that is prevalent in women working in the home as their spouse generates income and they slowly fall off the social ladder and you have one very volatile mix.

So many of us simply take for granted that this is how it has to be. We have a belief that implies we must compromise ourselves somehow in order to care for the people in our lives. These people do not necessarily have to be children either. They might be clients, employees, friends or partners. The point is that we are so programmed for self-sacrifice that we have a hard time considering any other way to live. We simply smile, get on with it and hope that one day, our time will come.

Well, guess what - as days slide into months and years, the genius that we are gets buried under layer after layer of social conditioning. And whether we recognize it or not, resent begins to grow and fester. It either squirts out at in opportune times or gets so deeply buried inside our bodies that it begins to show up as disease and illness.

I can't tell you how many women I have treated in my years of Physiotherapy practice who expressed secret relief at having developed a condition that excused them from the obligations of work and family. Their bodies simply rebelled - screaming "enough" ! As long as they were ill or injured, they could live differently. The challenge that many faced was whether they could summon the courage to stick with a different lifestyle after the crisis. More than once, a woman has expressed regret that treatment was over and life was returning to "normal". They didn't know what it was to say "no" or to take time for themselves until their body revolted.

In my own case, I find the isolation of staying at home with my children has been my greatest invitation to notice how easily resentment begins to take root. I'm a very social creature with a pile of creativity to boot. I'm also a recovering all-or-nothing variety perfectionist!! So while I love my children, I know I must love myself first or what they end up with is a watered down version of "Mommy Dearest"!

Since the holidays I have spent time reflecting on how to create what I need in order to feel excited and inspired in my life. I re-visited my intentions and my priorities, noticing that many have changed while I wasn't paying attention. I have come to the conclusion that its time to change my mind - again - and re-orient my compass.

This is the gift of resentment - its the kick in the pants to take a good hard look at your life and then to actively choose how you are going to move ahead. Ignored, its a festering infection that becomes contagious. It is "poor me" monologues in your head or to the captive audience of friends and family. It is barely suppressed rage or tears or both. It is the burn in your belly, the seizing of your throat or the weight on your shoulders. And over time, it may become the disease in your body.

No one likes to admit that they are resentful - however, my discovery is that if you are willing to admit it to yourself, then you are in a position to choose to make it different. Its been said lots of places in this blog and in other places, that there are consequences attached to making changes - but what about the consequences attached to the choices we are living with?

Time to get off your knees Cinderella! Give yourself permission to make the changes that support your health and well-being. Grab your glass slippers and get moving, girlfriend! You will be amazed at the gifts resentment has to offer if used as a barometric measure of the quality of your life. And since none of us live in a bubble, our joy and zest for life become contagious to the other people in our lives.

The Antidote to Procrastination

Lately I've been presented with a veritable Smorgasbord of choices. I'm not complaining at all! What I am noticing, however, is the way that I create things in my life and how that can lead me down a path of procrastination if I don't pay attention.

I never seem to create just one thing at a time. Instead there is always a pattern of multiple options, a plethora of choices and a whole bevy of exciting opportunities. I become the kid in the candy store. I want it all! - and somewhere in my head a little voice pipes up and says" well - you'll just have to choose." Another voice then points out "better make hay while the sun shines - you may not get this chance again." I thought that perhaps by bring it to life on the page I would begin to discover more about this intriguing pattern.

I know that when I am in flow, I have incredible energy. I am bursting with ideas and then the limitations begin to crowd in. I begin to feel like there isn't enough time to bring it all to life. I start to worry about how to fit it all in. I feel overwhelmed by the scope of what I have in mind .... and I haven't even got off the couch yet!! Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration :)

I carry this belief that once I start I MUST finish - or die trying! Along the way I've picked up all kinds of messages that say that I can't change my mind. Somehow, I have decided that I'm irresponsible if I switch mid-stream and so I have become reluctant to commit. I've acquired a belief about the scarcity of time and opportunity available to me. I wonder how many of us are limited by notions similar to these ones. I'm willing to bet that many of what we consider to be creative blocks, have their roots in this type of thinking.

When I see those limiting words on the screen, I know that they aren't mine but they were certainly directed at me. They were ways that I've been taught to stay in line. Maybe they were useful at one time but as a creative adult, they aren't useful at all. They aren't all bad- they have helped me stick with challenges, build a great career, and accomplish quite a lot of great things in my life. However, they are double edged.

If I heed them mindlessly, I procrastinate and stifle my creativity. I dismiss possibilities before they have even grown wings because of this habit of thinking. And that's all it is - a habit. If I am willing to be awake and alert as I go along, then I know that the first blush of excitement at a new idea need not fade so fast. I know I can explore, play and change my mind as I go along. I'm willing to follow this path just to see where it takes me and I can trust myself to make a choice that is based on the current experience and not influenced by old habits.

So who needs limitations?! Bring on the adventure! As Louise put it so well, I have the right to change my mind :) And as I write this, I can feel the excitement rising, knowing that I don't need to kill off my ideas in order to be focused, I can simply follow them and see where they lead. Now that's what I call an antidote to procrastination!

Have you vistited the new "Women Gathering" site yet?

There is only so many hours in the day to write! Today's thoughts can be found as a comment at Women Gathering by following this link http://www.louiselebrun.com/WomenGathering/?p=18#comments

This new interactive site created by Louise LeBrun, Founder of WEL-Systems Institute, is well worth checking out if you haven't visited it as of yet.

Enjoy!

Alone Together

I wonder how many times I'll re-start this entry! Oh the pressure to get out all the stuff that has been brewing and bubbling. Although its just been a few weeks, I feel like I've packed enough living into them for it to have been a few months!

These past few weeks have really packed a punch. It seems as though I have conversation after conversation with friends and strangers alike that have left me feeling decidedly alone. Alone in the pursuit of my goals, alone in my interests, alone in my struggles and in my celebrations. Standing alone.

This is not some poor me rant - I want to make that clear for all of us here. There is a profound difference between alone and lonely. Alone means that the responsibility for my life rests squarely with me. Whether I'm living a life that is fulfilling or not, its up to me to take action and make it what I want. Alone means that there is no external pat on the back and by the same token, the critical comments made by others aren't mine to pick up and carry either. I know that I am often a target for envy as well as inspiration -aren't we all? And yet, it takes true commitment to myself to ensure that I don't live my life based on the expectations of others.

We women seemed to be deeply programmed to look over our shoulders, to tread lightly and to make sure that we are never alone. In fact, I think that woman to woman, we do more to enforce these rules and oppress ourselves and each other than any "man" or institution. The mantle of our culture is just so darn thick! The conversation and contemplation of alone evokes so much beyond the scope of words within me. I'm now talking of the ripples of fear, anger, sadness, loss, excitement, and unlimited potential that all combine and rumble through me offering the promise of shaking things to my very foundation.

Alone vs. lonely..... Its not so much an "either/or" situation as a continuum. A continuum I've been dancing along for a few weeks now, and it seems inextricably linked to what I sense emerging in my life.

What I have noticed is that I'm lonely when I'm holding myself back from grabbing what I want. I'm lonely when I'm shrinking down to fit into what I think might be more acceptable to someone else. I'm lonely when I fail to speak up and betray myself with silence. I'm lonely when my pride, stubbornness and commitment to the status quo get in the way of creating something that is deeply meaningful to me.

I'm lonely when I cut myself off from my essence, my authentic self, the incredible being that I know myself to be and that clamours to get out and find expression in the physical person that I am. Use whatever vocabulary you want to represent that aspect of yourself - the words don't matter, its that knowing feeling that rises up inside you that does.

This is a makeover of monumental proportions - let me tell you!

What it all boils down to, what it always boils down to, is allowing new aspects of myself to emerge. All of the past year and a bit has been devoted to both a real and a metaphorical conception, pregnancy and birth along with the nurturing of that "newness". And while my infant son is only beginning to express his independence and ability to move about in his world, I'm an old pro! I've become adept at seeing the familiar in a new light and it no longer startles me to discover my world tilted on its axis offering new perspectives on old things or illuminating entirely new elements that I have over looked.

Taking these first steps into my once again reinvented life, I know that there is no hand to hold and no map to consult. This is my adventure and I must do it alone. Just like you must live the adventure that is your life - alone. I'm looking forward to being alone together since our paths have already crossed here!

You see, alone does not have to mean lonely. My capacity to see, appreciate and celebrate the uniqueness of another person is directly proportional to my comfort and ability to stand alone in my own life. From this vantage point, there is plenty of room for you, for me and who ever else decides to drop by! The more the merrier!! We can be alone together. We can egg each other on to greater heights, we can celebrate and encourage, we can be deeply honest and at the end of the day, we accept the responsibility for our lives rests with each of us - alone. We don't need to fix anyone or to be fixed. We don't need to make space for anyone around the table, we simply step right up trusting that each of us can and will do so when it suits us.

I'm wildly excited about what this year has in store as I claim my "aloneness"! I've found a myriad of ways to move forward in crafting my life. Stay tuned for events in the Greater Toronto area and for you online junkies - check out the newly minted Women Gathering community created by Louise LeBrun as a place to be "alone together".