Bone Tired Blogging

Well, so much for the fanfare on my last entry! It seems that I wasn't back at all and, frankly, this time around, no promises!

I'm amazed at how my drive and desire to blog has evaporated lately. Its not as though my life isn't rife with material. I find myself 100% engaged in moment to moment living these days. A toddler can do that! My inner conversations continue and on occasion will rouse me from an exhausted sleep to reach conclusion for the day as my body completes its final unwinding.

Perhaps what I sense as acutely different this time is that my sense of scarcity when it comes to writing has simply evaporated. For the past couple of years it felt as essential as breathing. I felt panicked if I couldn't create the time to give over to the flow of words that seemed to log jam in my mind and body.

Now, the flow continues unabated and unobstructed, I might add. No log jams even though there is no paper trail to follow. I am in the flow of my life unfolding and that is sufficient - for now. In fact, in many ways it seems there is an incubation period happening once again in concert with this pregnancy.

Certainly I was reborn in many ways with Baby "S"es arrival and now I wonder who I will be when this next little person arrives on the scene. This time I have no sense of impending loss of mySelf. I feel like there is more of "me" set to emerge as well.

Writing will follow - but not with the strident discipline it required before. It seems that I have finally found myself completely in flow with my life- fully focused, fully engaged, often exhausted and always amazed by the wonder of what my children reflect back to me.

Am I living in Utopia? Hell no!! But I AM living with a sense of adventure and a great deal of humor. I find myself continually needing to pay attention to what I, as an individual need, and then to ensure that I follow through in providing it for myself. Again, I'd love to say this is a "martyr free zone" but I have my moments! However, there is only enough space for one tantrum at a time around here!! And my day will come .... just kidding.

Creativity comes in all kinds of packages. At the moment, it comes in the guise of finding ways to stay present to mySelf while consciously parenting two, soon to be three, energetic boys.

I'll check in again sometime soon .... thanks for dropping by!