Love...Heartbreak... and the Space Between

"The deepest secret in our heart of hearts is that we are writing because we love the world"

~ Natalie Goldberg~

Well, Natalie, I couldn't agree more! Perhaps I'm a day late for a love themed entry, but this feels timely. My Valentine's Day entry had lots of fire and passion behind it - today's entry is more of an after glow.

For a long time I really didn't want to disclose my love of the world. It just felt hokey somehow. It also left me feeling quite vulnerable. There are many jaded opinions out there and lots of folks who aren't particularly enamoured with their lives or the world we live in.

Loving the world doesn't mean I necessarily feel good about everything that goes on in it. In fact, I think it is because of deep love that I feel moved to not look away. I want to observe and and share.

Often words are a way for me to caress experience and hold it close. Other times they vent and prod and demand more. Words create opportunities to knock down barriers in my perception. They are keys to unlocking something long hidden or lost. They are powerful, not for what they are but because of the intention that they represent. They can becoming living things, vessels of energy out into the world - and behind my words lies a deep love and reverence for life.

With love comes a capacity to see intelligence everywhere and in everything. Things that are tempting to judge become calls to action. I recall one of the most heartbreaking moments for me as I wrapped up my business was the realization that although I could clearly see the incredible potential in the women I employed and gave them many opportunities to develop it, one of them was unable to recognize it in herself. Her disclosure of how she causally dismissed and even leveraged my "naivety" stunned me. It was eye opening because I recognized then, that although you can love and appreciate someone else, champion their potential, pave the road ahead of them - it didn't matter unless they loved and believed in themselves first. What an incredible mirror to hold up for myself.

How many people have believed in me over the years? Loved me? Saw my potential? Paved the way for me? - All while I blindly held to a limited view of myself. I understand the intelligence in my former employee's desire to remain small and unchallenged because it is likely similar to my own strategies to avoid unwanted attention and criticism- just a different order of magnitude. By remaining a victim of circumstance, by continuing to under achieve there is no risk of failure and no requirement to overthrow old beliefs about becoming "too" anything - too smart, too successful etc.

Yup, my experience in that moment of realization at how my love and generosity felt thrown back in my face felt like incredible heartbreak. A freight train of despair at squandered potential thundered through my chest...and in its wake there was something new and much more resilient - the discovery that this particular young woman was simply reflecting back to me my own lack of love and respect for mySelf! I didn't need to feel angry or betrayed. I understood and the lesson has continued unfolding ever since.

Love/Heartbreak so often travel hand in hand ....and in the space between is the greatest opportunity to grow larger and more resilient. I've come to consider heartbreak as the shattering of old beliefs, paving the way for new construction.

As is so often the case, I am ending in a very different place than the one I started in. I am most certainly writing because I love the world - and its no secret anymore! Even more astonishing, the more I learn to love me, the more the world seems to love me back. Words are a powerful gateway for the love and intention that I experience within to make their way into the world at large.