Diva.....With Children
I have been excitedly anticipating the birth of my second child and marveling at how different the experience already is. Aside from the fact that my body seems to have remembered its last journey into pregnancy and complied with alarming speed to put padding on the various aspects of my anatomy that didn’t really need embellishment, I have also noticed how different I am this time round!
My last pregnancy was five years ago. A time in my life when I had nearly given up the prospect of motherhood and channeled all my restless nesting urges into the growth and expansion of my businesses. In the midst of this outpouring of commingled grief and creative energy, I discovered I was pregnant. What an unbelievable miracle!
In spite of longing for motherhood, when it arrived, I found myself woefully unprepared. Not only because I was inexperienced but also because my business life had assumed incredible momentum. I had invested all my energy in creating things outside myself. I had invested next to none in finding out who I was.
I juggled between my precious child who needed every last bit of my energy and the unrelenting demands of running two businesses. Pulled in every direction, I suddenly found myself completely adrift in my life. Exhausted, overwhelmed and continually in demand I simply went through the motions everyday in order to wake up and do it all again. My great, nearly unspeakable fear was that I was in imminent danger of completely losing myself.
During a sudden moment of clarity when my infant son was hospitalized, I realized that everything I had done so far and all my achievements had to do with meeting someone else’s expectations. I was in danger of losing what was most precious to me and only I had the power to make it different. I embraced my inner Diva!
After this crisis was safely navigated I began my quest to find out just who I was underneath the many layers of social tradition, expectations and assumed roles. Although I was becoming clear about what I didn’t want in my life, it took me a little longer to publicly claim what I did want. I began my journey of rediscovering my north star. Keeping my eye on my guiding intention- my north star, I took stock of what I needed to acquire for this journey, what I needed to jettison and how I would know I had in fact reached my destination. I took one step in the direction of my desired destination and I felt the universe swoop forward to meet me.
Life has continued to unfold with many wonderful surprises along the way, this latest pregnancy being one of its marvels. This time, I know who I am, I know where I am going and motherhood is simply one special aspect of that journey. It doesn’t define “me” as the essence of me remains unchanged. Having finally claimed them, I don’t believe that I must sacrifice my dreams and aspirations on the alter of motherhood. This time, I am stepping into the next chapter of my life with children – as a full-fledged Diva! Great thing is, I know that there is no greater gift to my children than to be 100% me because it gives them permission to be 100% them!
My last pregnancy was five years ago. A time in my life when I had nearly given up the prospect of motherhood and channeled all my restless nesting urges into the growth and expansion of my businesses. In the midst of this outpouring of commingled grief and creative energy, I discovered I was pregnant. What an unbelievable miracle!
In spite of longing for motherhood, when it arrived, I found myself woefully unprepared. Not only because I was inexperienced but also because my business life had assumed incredible momentum. I had invested all my energy in creating things outside myself. I had invested next to none in finding out who I was.
I juggled between my precious child who needed every last bit of my energy and the unrelenting demands of running two businesses. Pulled in every direction, I suddenly found myself completely adrift in my life. Exhausted, overwhelmed and continually in demand I simply went through the motions everyday in order to wake up and do it all again. My great, nearly unspeakable fear was that I was in imminent danger of completely losing myself.
During a sudden moment of clarity when my infant son was hospitalized, I realized that everything I had done so far and all my achievements had to do with meeting someone else’s expectations. I was in danger of losing what was most precious to me and only I had the power to make it different. I embraced my inner Diva!
After this crisis was safely navigated I began my quest to find out just who I was underneath the many layers of social tradition, expectations and assumed roles. Although I was becoming clear about what I didn’t want in my life, it took me a little longer to publicly claim what I did want. I began my journey of rediscovering my north star. Keeping my eye on my guiding intention- my north star, I took stock of what I needed to acquire for this journey, what I needed to jettison and how I would know I had in fact reached my destination. I took one step in the direction of my desired destination and I felt the universe swoop forward to meet me.
Life has continued to unfold with many wonderful surprises along the way, this latest pregnancy being one of its marvels. This time, I know who I am, I know where I am going and motherhood is simply one special aspect of that journey. It doesn’t define “me” as the essence of me remains unchanged. Having finally claimed them, I don’t believe that I must sacrifice my dreams and aspirations on the alter of motherhood. This time, I am stepping into the next chapter of my life with children – as a full-fledged Diva! Great thing is, I know that there is no greater gift to my children than to be 100% me because it gives them permission to be 100% them!
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