A Glorious Buffet

Okay, I confess, I have a problem with commitment! Not in my relationships but in more imaginative places like hobbies, interests and career aspirations. At 38 years old, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up! And, I'm finally okay with that. You see, I don't think I could ever capture everything that is exciting, meaningful and intriguing to me under one banner.

I love being a Mom. I love working in the fields of physiotherapy and human potential. I love writing. I read subjects as varied as quantum physics, cooking, creative writing, business guides, and loads of fiction - you name and it can likely be found in my personal library or I've begged or borrowed it from somewhere. I write about all kinds of things that catch my fancy. This blog has become fertile grounds for just that. My other blog, has more a focused context but draws heavily on what for a long time felt like very separate interests that are now coming together in very interesting and exciting ways.

For quite some time I had struggled with what I considered a lack of focus in my life and my interests until I finally realized just how limiting this belief is. I have concluded that I don't have adult ADD, although I have clients try to convince me that I did - largely because that is how they made sense of their own similar tendencies and had judged something to "wrong" with them! Although my interests are varied, I pursue each of them with similar passion. The fact that I'm not easily pigeon-holed is not really my concern at all. In fact, I've found it quite interesting to see the the incredible links that connect what often seems like divergent interests.

About a week ago I was really drawn to a book by Barbara Sher, Refuse to Choose. I bought it and read it over an afternoon and quickly realized that I had come to a similar conclusion on my own but she had done a great job of explaining that contrary to popular opinion and widely held beliefs, there are lots of people who function this way. She used the term "scanners" to describe those of us who have multiple interests and give ourselves permission to pursue them with passion and leave them behind when they have served their purpose for us.

I found myself thinking about how many people deny themselves the opportunity to explore and play because they have held some of the beliefs I used to hold about mastery, perfection, focus, stick-to-it-iveness, you fill in the blank. What a waste of potential! There is an incredible smorgasbord of experience available for the taking - if we are willing. I'm sure that left to our own devices, we would all be child-like in our thirst and capacity for exploration. What a shame that it becomes labelled an anomaly for adults, creating fertile grounds for a best-seller that finally grants us permission to be ourselves. What if we were to give ourselves permission rather than waiting for it to be granted by an "expert"? Gasp, the possibilities are endless!

I have made my peace with shelves of half-read books and partially completed projects. I have learned to walk away from all-consuming passions when they ceased to be fulfilling anymore. It hasn't been easy at times and yet, the price of staying with them when all the passion has disappeared is far to much. Who wants to cart around a dead horse like guilt or an obligation to finish what we have started - better to recognize it's dead, and move on, reinvesting energy in other places.

Moving into this phase of my life, I doubt my commitment "issues" will resolve! In fact, my commitment to what has meaning and value in my life is unwavering - its that those things are in a steady state of evolution. In the words of Maya Angelou, "Life is a glorious banquet, a limitless and delicious buffet." Eat up, I say!