Observations Part 2: Gratitude

Some very interesting things have been happening in my life these days. Maybe they have always been there and I didn't notice. More likely, because I have noticed and begun to pay attention to them, these are events are expanding and popping up in the most delightful ways. I'm talking about a deep blossoming of gratitude for a life that seems filled with celebrations and treats for body and soul.

Last weekend we attended a beautiful wedding. The bride and groom are two of the most refreshingly sincere and wonderful people that I have had the pleasure to know. I've known the groom for longer as he is my husband's cousin, and while I always knew he was thoughtful, fun and generous I had no sense of how deeply he appreciates life until he shared this with us as part of his speech. Humble beginnings in his life have not left him marked by scarcity but has instead bred a deep appreciation and gratitude for everything that has come into his life since. His words and the deep authenticity in them brought tears to my eyes.

The wedding reception was lavish and beautiful. It was clear that this couple wanted to ensure that their guests were treated well and had a great time. As I relaxed, enjoyed being pampered with food and drink and took in all the the thoughtful details I began to pay attention to the conversations around me. To my surprise, any appreciative comments made were quickly followed with an extensive list of why this was "too much food or drink" or "must have cost so much" and variations on that theme. I began to wonder what it is inside that makes us unwilling to accept the generosity of another. It was our host's choice to create an event for their invited guests in a style that reflected their joy and appreciation of friends and family. Is it really that difficult to simply be thankful and join in their celebration?

Perhaps it is our own sense of being unworthy that makes the simple act of enjoying such an event difficult. I know that for me, this is a startling realization. The very fact that these same thoughts of "too much" never entered my awareness signals just how far I have come in my own journey away from focusing on scarcity and into expecting abundance.

Expecting abundance doesn't exclude gratitude, in fact it seems to magnify it. Without being focused on how undeserving I am or how I am unable to match another person's generosity or "keep up with the Jones", I have discovered a deeper appreciation for the wonderful things in my life.

The ante has recently been upped in this internal conversation of mine. A lovely woman whom I have only recently met has given me a generous gift. Her unexpected appreciation left me reeling. I noticed thoughts like, "she doesn't even know me" and "what if I'm not who she thinks I am" were accompanied by an all over sweaty "hot flash". As usual when confronted with such a big invitation in my body I just sat and took a couple for long deep breaths. Within moments, all the connections about gratitude clicked into place and I concluded that the real gift here was the door it opened to my own self-acceptance. If someone else could appreciate me then perhaps it was time for me to feel the same about myself. If someone else wants to celebrate me, then perhaps its time I celebrate myself. If I truly embrace abundance in my life, then how can I question it when it appears right before me?

It really is quite astonishing how quickly life rushes in to meet and exceed our expectations the moment we begin to pay attention to where our focus is. Opening myself to deeper levels of abundance by simply appreciating what is right in front of me, embracing the fact that I don't need to apologize for who I am and embracing the notion that I am totally deserving of good things in life has been nothing short of miraculous - not just for the physical and material treats that have come my way but for the greatest gift of all - the knowledge that I am worthy and can appreciate my life for what it is rather than focusing on what it is not. The "stuff" is just the physical evidence of a change that has occured deep within. I've heard it said that energy flows where attention goes and I couldn't agree more!