Believing Mirrors

No - this isn't about believing what I see reflected back in a physical mirror - although I could probably create an entire entry about how the person looking back at me is shockingly unfamiliar. In fact I think I have! So I'll save those thoughts for the moment.

I'm not sure where I first heard the term "believing mirror" but the concept instantly took root in me. For me, it has come to mean seeing myself reflected back another person who is willing to cheerlead as well as point out the inconsistencies in what I say and what I do with a curiosity that lacks judgment.

Believing mirrors have been those friends and mentors over the years who took a moment to make sure they reflected back to me what I was putting out there. Sometimes we just can't easily see and/or claim our own magnificence and notice when we hold ourselves back. Sometimes that reflection feels like a warm glow and sometimes it feels like an ass-kickin' - but it always comes with a sense of authenticity attached to it.

Unless we can embrace ourselves, we can easily become a huge black hole for external approval. I know there have been more times than I care to count when no amount of approval or adoration could fill the void inside me. I had to take the first step in stemming my self-esteem hemorrhage before I could experience the real support of a believing mirror. I needed to be able to discern the difference between a true reflection and a distorted one that had been filtered through another person's perception and judgements and then projected onto me. That discernment meant that I needed to know myself well.

Over the past 6 months or more, I've taken a hiatus from many of my relationships. After years of being "on" for clients, co-workers, employees - I felt a strong pull to discover what it was like to just simply "be". I've ceased being a mirror in some relationships and my absence in others has limited what was once reflected back to me. I think I have emerged with a greater sense of self. However, I've really felt the absence of companionship while I enjoyed my hermit- like existence.

Coming out of "exile" I'm discovering just how much I value the camaraderie I find with friends. Now I'm looking for that balance of support, cheerleading and companionship that I have missed. I'm finding out how to be present in a friendship without losing myself. I'm discovering that just being me is plenty. Seeing that reflected back in the relationships that are being revived is the most wonderful believing mirror of all. I'm valued for who I am which makes me a much better believing mirror for the others in my life. Pay it forward.